Fiercly Loyal

I have been greatly saddened this last year to hear of so many marriages ending in divorce. It seems like every month I hear of a friend, or a friend of a friend that is pushing through a painful divorce. I wonder why so many people are opting for divorce? What is happening in this world where two good people can not seem to make things work?

I am not one to really talk. I am myself a divorced woman. So is my husband Curtis. And both of our divorces have caused more pain than any other action we have taken in our lifetime. I did not want my divorce. It was something that my X desired. I literally got down on my knees and begged him to give our marriage more time for the sake of our family and ourselves. But he insisted that it was what he wanted... that it was the only way for him to become happy. So I conceded and pushed it through myself. And yes due to my circumstances before the divorce, I was happier after I was separated from my X, but that does not mean I did not wish we could have worked things out. And not because of Curtis. He is AMAZING and there is a part of me that wishes I had met him earlier in life before getting married the first time. But because having gone through a divorce, I know how it can affect you and your family for the REST of a lifetime. The only positive thing that came from my divorce is learning where to draw my lines and how to love with fierce loyalty. I learned how to be a better spouse. But I think that we can all learn those things within one marriage if we keep fighting for and believing in our marriage.

It is not hard to be loyal to your spouse when he or she is doing everything right. That is not loyalty. Loyalty is tested when your spouse is NOT doing what she or he should be doing yet you love them anyway and see them through their rough spot in life. This could take days, or even years! I believe that people give up way too easily and expect way too much out of their spouse to the point it poisons the sanctity of marriage.

Divorce seems to be spreading like a rampant plague and I find myself concerned for the future marriage's of my children.You see, I do not want to see them go through what I had to go through. I want them to marry someone that fits them well, and I want to see them happy. But I also want to see them struggle as all marriages do at some point. Struggles and adversity may initially seem to chip away at a couple, but by working through these struggles one can rebuild and create an even stronger and unique bond than they had before things went awry. In the end, it boils down to the fact we all have a choice to either give up and walk away, or stand strong, forgive, and fight for our marriage. 

Note: I believe that most marriages start out with two good people who will eventually make mistakes. Its how we handle and react to these mistakes that makes the difference between a successful marriage and a marriage that fails. Some marriages however do not start with two good people. If you are in an abusive marriage and have sought help, and help has failed then it is my belief that there is nothing to fight for, and a divorce should be pursued.