Sage was born in the year of 2004. I was nearly 24 years old at the time. I loved being a Mom and found it relatively easy. Sage was a very chubby and well behaved baby. Always happy, and quick to catch on and to conquer all her milestones with ease, grace, and ahead of schedule. And as a first time mom I was pushing her and working with her on a daily basis to reach all these milestones.
Then came Ashton in 2007. My big Bubba came to this world weighing in at 9 pounds 10 ounces with a fiery red Mohawk of hair! Ashton was relatively easy as well. But now I had two kids and the stress of trying to divide my time between the two of them began to rise just a little. But as a mom of two I felt blessed. Both of my children were beautiful, easy going, and Sage was so independent that she allowed me to tend to Ashton without any issues.
Jace my third child arrived in 2010, nine and a half months after I married Curtis. Jace was smart but a bit more temperamental. That boy could really scream. My stress level began to rise significantly especially since I was still adjusting to my new life with Curtis and being a stay at home mom who no longer worked. It was around this time that I started to look forward to being able to move out of the baby stage of my life. It seemed like the constant whining, diapers, spit up, and leaky boobs would never end. Having 3 children seemed so much harder than one. And I no longer got many breaks because I no longer worked. I just wanted my baby to grow up as fast as possible.
In 2012 my final baby was born. Ryker was pretty easy going. And he truly is a happy baby. But for once in my life, I am not celebrating when my baby reaches his milestones. Instead I find myself crying when I realize how fast he is growing up. In one month he will be 22 months old. He is not by definition a baby anymore. And although I find myself stressed trying to juggle 4 young children, I don't want Ryker to grow up. And I don't want all 3 of my other children to continue to grow up. My children have become my best friends. They know me better than anyone, and I know them better than anyone. We are connected. We are all honest and sincere with each other. My children take care of my soul and I theirs. But now it is time to let my baby years go and say goodbye. And I am having a hard time accepting the fact that my children will grow, and one day they will be adults.
And yes, I am baby hungry. I know I can not have any more babies... but that does not mean I don't want one. Maybe a blonde little girl with soft wavy curls and green eyes. One that has an amazing smile, a gentle touch, a sharp mind, and a great sense of humor. I have had dreams of this little girl for some time... My first time seeing her in my dreams was back in 2008 or 2009. And whenever I dream of a child while I am not pregnant, she always makes an appearance. I never did get my blonde little girl and I am relatively sure that I will not be having anymore kids. Makes me wonder if somehow she could have been in my life. I will never know, and I must let the thought go and settle on a kitten, or a puppy... or heck I would even take a bird if it was willing to cuddle with me.
So yes, being a mom to small children can be so difficult. But I have learned to get as many hugs from my babies as possible because I know they are only small for a blink of an eye and then they are grown and gone. I will miss you "baby years." Goodbye.
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