3 Years Ago Today

The room was bare except for a king mattress, a few bags on the floor, and a wedding dress that hung in the closet. The house seemed strange with nothing in it. I had loved this house. I had wanted to raise my children here. But life has a tendency to chart out detours and alternate paths and mine was leading me away from my little quaint house in Orem. The thought made me a little somber. But it was a passing thought that was soon overwhelmed with excitment. I was getting married tomorrow. After my divorce, I had met someone that could love me despite my faults and transgressions. Someone who I knew would love me more than anyone, or anything.

 I was sitting there talking to my dear friend Kristi Harvey. It was late. I was tired and so was Kristi. Before I settled down to sleep I decided to check my email. I smiled. There was an email from Curtis. I opened it and read a beautiful and sincere letter conveying his thoughts and feeling of why he had chosen to marry me. I felt so lucky to have such a wonderful man willing to spend an eternity with little ol' me. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face. Tomorrow, I was sure would be perfect.

I woke up the next morning. It was the first day of spring. The air outside was chilly but there was not a cloud in the sky. I was in no particular rush to get anywhere fast. So I took my time as I went about my daily morning routine. Kristi pointed out that I was going to be late for my hair appointment if I did not speed things up and rushed me out of the door. I was calm, relaxed and very much at peace. Once my hair was curled, we headed to the store to get some ice cream and paper ware. As I walked in I saw Phill, my X husband, who was walking out with a few bags of groceries. It was slightly awkward but we greeted each other, said our good wills and parted on amiable grounds. That would be the last private conversation I would have with my X. I sincerely hoped that he would find happiness one day. I was still grieving over my divorce with him which had only occurred 4 months prior to that day. But I knew my decision to marry Curtis was the right one. Why? Because it felt more right than anything I had ever done previously in my life. I knew that Curtis was a good honest man. And I knew that he loved me and would do anything for me. And I knew I loved him equally.

It was an hour before the wedding. My mother called me and asked me where I was. I told her not to worry that I would show up for my own wedding on time. She still seemed concerned due to my lack of anxiousness. But I was not stressed at all. I was very much at ease. I was so calm it was eerie. Kristi seemed more aware of the time than I was and hurried me along.

I arrived at my wedding 10 minutes before the guests. I looked around the immense house with the amazing views of Mt. Timpanogos. I saw the potted daffodils that I had chosen out a few days ago. They were beautiful and they smelled amazing. I listened to the soft beautiful music that my georgous sister Dez was creating my strumming her harp. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him. I saw my soon to be husband. He was looking at me with a big grin on his face glad that I had made it before the wedding started. He kissed me and told me I was beautiful. I blushed.

As our small group of about 40 people arrived, I calmly waited for them to sit down. Then in front of a vaulted wall sized window that framed Mt Timpanogos Curtis and I were married by Bishop Lesser. I could not help but smile... but I was being bashful and had a hard time looking up.

Curtis gently asked me to look at him. Which I did. I could see in his eyes how much he loved me, and how happy he was that he was marrying me. I felt so fortunate to have him for both me and my children. I knew from that moment on that he would love me, and take care of me. I knew from that moment he would put his family first in everything that he did. I could tell all of this by looking into his rich, deep, intense, brown eyes.

After we both said Yes, the rest of the occasion was fairly brief. We took a few pictures, cut the cake, visited a little and were out of the house within an hour of the ceremonies start.

Curtis lifted me and my dress and set me gently down onto his Yellow VTX motorcycle and we waved goodbye to everyone. As we rode away I threw a small bouquet of yellow daffodils and we made the short but sweet and very chilly ride to our first house that we would spend our life together in. As we rode we drew a lot of attention and approving nods from fellow motorcyclist.

We arrived frozen at our little house in Eagle Mountain. Curtis lifted me off the bike and carried me into the house. My little house in Orem was no longer my home. The life I knew in that house was no longer my life. This was my new house and my life with Curtis was my new world. And I was happy.

Feels GOOD to get OUT!

Newborns are sweet and cuddly and full of love... they are also very high maintenance when they are "on the boob" and when their immune systems and bodies are so fragile. Ryker was born near the end of September which is just in time for the flu season. Both Mom and Dad decided to play it safe and keep the little tyke indoors and at home. This wise decision has come with consequences both good and bad. Ryker managed to escape the flu season with only catching one cold, but the whole Dudley Family had a very uneventful Winter.

This last weekend we FINALLY got out and headed to the West Desert in our Land Cruiser off road up the Rattlesnake Trail with the Wasatch Cruiser Club. Now for those who know our family well you know that we own a Jeep that is a Rock Crawler. We have taken our jeep up this trail many times. And for the jeep its a walk in the park. But for our Cruiser it required a little more finesse, especially since we have yet to lift the Cruiser or attach any special protective bumpers or sliders. But we managed to get trough it without breaking our family daily driver and had fun doing it. Here are some pics of the day's events.

Land Cruisers arriving bright and way too early at 8:30AM.

Mom knows how to make the kids Happy!

Mom does not have to make this one happy... he comes that way naturally.

Part of the experience is watching others try to get up the obstacles.

Our Cruiser doing a fair job.

Old Mine with an old jeep that had fallen in years before they grated it.

Ashton happy to be out in the sun even if that means mom attacking him with the spray on sunscreen!

Sage made lots of new friends with the other kids. Nice Butt Curtis!

Jace sitting down to eat his lunch.

"Dad what's that? It's a mountain!"

15 in the group all with the same nerdy fascination for Toyota Land Cruisers. I love you Hun!

I Believe this is a Mountain Bluebird. Have not looked it up yet. I was lucky to get such a great shot!

On our way home we were surprised to see a big herd of male elk running across the farmers fields. Not sure where they came from or where they were going but they were in a hurry!

My little Mini Me

I know this is an older picture (about three years ago) but I do not have a lot of picture with Sage and I together. Looks like I need to get a few more:)

As my little girl grows, I am coming to realize that my little girl is turning out to be just like me. Not to say she is 100% like me, but we have a lot in common. These are the things I have noticed.

Physical
Sage does not look exactly like me but we do have a lot of similar characteristics.

We are both short and petite. Growing up I was always one of the shortest in my class. Today Sage is the second to shortest in her third grade class.

We both have big brown eyes. Sage is the only one of my 4 kids that got my eyes (all three of my boys have blue eyes.)  Our eyes are the same shape and color and you can read exactly what we are feeling in those big brown eyes of ours... they are very expressive.

We both want to be graceful in the art of dance and movement... but lets face it, both of us struggle with the notion of grace. I tapped for 3 years when I was a child, but I never seemed to be able to tap and make it look good! Sage is in gymnastics. She can do a lot of the stuff that requires strength and precision, but when they ask her to be graceful using her arms, body, and hands its almost laughable.

Hobbies and Tallents
Sage has an amazing ability to understand literature and read literature. She is now the fastest reader in her class and has an ability to interpret a story and foresee the ending far before any of the other kids. When I was in third grade I too had a knack for literature. I would write story after story and I could write down my thoughts and ideas with more pizazz than the other kids. My teacher actually sent me to a special conference for young gifted writers.

Sage loves animals and science. Not only does she read a lot about science, she remembers it because she finds it interesting. When I was younger I found that I had a natural talent to understand and apply science. I never had to try too hard to get a good grade in any of my science classes.

Sage loves to be in nature. She loves when we take family trip to National Parks and while at home she is always asking to go outside so she can play with the animals or simply read in a tree. I used to read in trees when I was young too. I also yearned to be out in the woods and would spend hours by myself with my cat exploring my surroundings.

Love
Sage is a very loving individual. She loves to love people and is very good at letting another people know that they are loved. She is always giving hugs and compliments to everyone. When I was younger I was not nearly as out going as she was... so I was not as forthcoming with my love to others. But as I have grown into an adult woman and as I gained confidence in myself and others, I too have realized that I get a lot of pleasure out of loving other people and I too am very capable of making others around me feel good about themselves.

Sage needs to be loved or she feels empty. I know that a lot of people are like this but it really affects Sage if she feels unloved. She has to have human contact with people. She has to be hugged and kissed or she gets down. When she is sick and is confined to her room so she does not get her brothers sick, she struggles with her loneliness. I too am dependent on love. If I am not being loved by someone I get depressed. And I too am in need of physical contact. I like to cuddle, hug and kiss.

Preference for People over Things
Sage is a people person. She has been this way since she was a baby. She was never interested in toys, all she wanted to do was interact with her family. As she has grown her lack of interest in things is apparent. You can tell this by how she treats her toys. She really does not care if you take them away, or if they get lost. She has very little respect for her things. But people mean a lot to her. And again you can tell by how she treats people. She stops on her way home from school to visit a handful of people every week. She writes little notes of adoration to her friends and her family. She goes out of her way to cheer someone up when they are feeling sad. She LOVES people.

I place little value on things as well. I do take care of my things but want and need very little. The only things that mean anything to me are things that have been given to me out of love... little things that may have cost little to nothing. I find people far more interesting and would trade all I had to be with those I love. 

These are just a few things I have noticed as of late that Sage and I have in common. There is obviously more but these things stand out the most. I am so thankful to have my daughter Sage in my life. I love the fact that her and I have so much in common. I love how we can relate to each other and our needs. I am so happy to be a mother of a daughter like Sage, my Mini Me.