Taking Responsibility

I have had plenty happen to me in my short life.

There were times in my life where my heart would beat so fast and so hard for so long due to anxiety that I could hardly breath.

There were times where I literally cried all night long several nights in a row waking with a very swollen face and a even more pitiful broken heart.

There were times where I was hopeful because I believed in someone and their word, but was sadly dissapointed when I realized that person's word was not as strong as I thought it was.

There have been times where I have let others make me feel miniscule and worthless.

There have been times where I literally did not want to get out of bed and face the world.

There have been many times where I have felt alone... longing for someone to understand me and lift me up holding me close and simply loving me for who I am.

Yes there have been times. An no matter how many times someone or something lets me down, I find that I am my greatest enemy. I KNOW what it takes to be happy. I KNOW what I need. I KNOW what things I do to myself that makes my life harder to live. I know what I need to let go of in order to live without any turmoil churning in my head. And you know what? I think you know too. I think we all know. But we hang onto these things that complicate our lives. We have a hard time letting go and following out hearts and our conscience. In turn we subject ourselves to this emotional torture that is not necessary. Such simplicity yet so infernally complicated. If only I could take better control of ME and MY thoughts and actions. Because you have no forbearance on me. No matter what you do or say it will NOT change who I am or what I will do. Those are MY decisions and mine alone. And if you blame others on your actions, you hide behind a lie. And if I blame others for my actions I would be living a lie. And living a lie would be even more torture to me than taking responsibility for my own self. And who in tarnation would want to live like that!