Fourth and Final Dudley

It was the end of August. I was going about my day cleaning the bathrooms when all of a sudden I had the strangest urge to get pregnant. I quickly dismissed the thought simply because my little Jace was only 9 months old and I like to wait in between kids to give both my body and stress level a break. Throughout the day these thoughts kept on creeping back into my mind and I kept on pushing them right back out. After all it would be crazy to get pregnant when Jace was so young! That night I had a dream where I was pregnant doing day to day things with my three kids.

This trend of crazy thoughts and dreams continued for the next 3 days. I then decided that it would be appropriate at this point to tell Curtis. "Sweetheart, I know this sounds absolutely insane but lately I have had the strange impression that I should stop taking my birth control and get pregnant". His eyebrows raised and he looked at me like I knew he would. "That is crazy dear, but if you feel that way then go for it." I proceeded to tell him how these promptings had been strong and insistent like it was meant for me to get pregnant right away. He agreed with me and told me it sounded like our destiny was laid out for us. It was then we decided to wait allowing me to finish two more weeks of birth control pills so that I could have a period before I got pregnant ( In the past with all three of my kids I have gotten pregnant within 2 weeks of stopping birth control). The next day my period started in the middle of my pills which never happens. I took that as a sign that I needed to follow my crazy promptings right then and there so I did not take a pill after that day.

I started planning my calender. Lets see, I will get pregnant in two weeks, I will get sick in about 6 to 8 weeks... I will find out what it is in four months, and will have the baby in nine. One month pasted... I was not pregnant. This was a whole new experience to me. It had never taken more than two weeks and now I was faced with the fact that it just might take longer this time and I could not plan my life out to a "T" like I liked to do. I was going to have to wait it out like most women do! How awful!

Two more months went by and I was still not pregnant. Then on December 17th I finally got a positive. I was so excited! But 4 days later I lost it. That's right, I had just had my first miscarriage. Did you know that 20% of all early term pregnancies end in miscarriage due to things not forming right? That was what my doctor told me to help me feel better. It worked to some degree but I was still emotionally on a roller coaster and cried for a good 24 hours straight. In the end I was thankful for having had this experience so that I know what its like, giving me a chance to somewhat relate to those who have had a miscarriage. It really is hard to get excited about the little person inside of you just to lose them.

After this experience I started to think that maybe I was done. Maybe my body had had enough. Maybe I was not meant to have four kids like Curtis and I had planned.

January 14th was a Saturday where Curtis was busy in the garage working on his Mustang. He needed to go out and get some new cleaning supplies from Harbor Freight. I asked him if he could pick up a few pregnancy tests for me since it had been about a month since I had lost my baby. He did, and I took a test. It was a very faint positive. I was pregnant again. This time I told no one but my husband. What if I lost it again? I just didn't want to have to tell someone I had a miscarriage like before. So I waited.. that is till now. My morning sickness has kicked in which can be an indicator of a healthy pregnancy. Or at least I hope it is!

So yes. I am pregnant with my fourth and final kid. This will be the last time that I Becky Dudley will be with child. Kinda a crazy thought that I am moving slowly into a new stage of my life. Soon in a few years I will not have anymore babies in the house. Yet another crazy thought. Makes me want to cherish the moments I have now... even though they may be stressful at times and take all my free time and energy. I wonder who the little critter inside of me is... Is it my girl I have been wanting? Or will it be another sweet baby boy? Who knows... and I suppose in the end it really does not matter. Right now I'm just hoping for a healthy pregnancy and an even healthier baby.