Sleeping to Dream

I dream a lot. Mostly because I have this talent of being able to wake up in the morning and fall back asleep. Mornings are where I have my most memorable dreams simply because I can remember them! I have good dreams, bad dreams, and awful dreams. I live my past, present and even future while I’m asleep. And sometimes my dreams seem more like abstract ideas than an actual thought or scenes.

My fears are portrayed frequently in my dreams. Some of them are believable, and others are absolutely insane. I have woken up in a sweat and in tears. Sometimes at first I do not know why I am crying until I start to recall the fact I was dreaming a heart-wrenching dream. Other times I wake scared of whomever may have been trying to “get” me. When I was a child it was a tiger or ET, but this character has morphed as I have grown up into those I believe whom have a true distaste for me.

Dreams of the past can be the worst in my opinion because they are rarely ever good ones. These memories that haunt my dreams are those that have hurt me immensely. However occasionally dreams of past friends whom I have no contact with can be comforting to have even though I wake up wondering if they are ok and wishing I could just KNOW if they are happy.

Finally there are my dreams that are happy. These dreams usually fulfill dreams of my own. They allow me to be me no matter what the consequence is. They are thrilling and exciting and full of love and fun. These are the dreams that when I wake up I want to go back to sleep to continue the dream. I wish my mind would allow me to have more of these dreams. But unfortunately for me my mind focuses on my worries and insecurities or the dream is so abstract that I have NO idea what its about.

Generally in most of my dreams there is one person who tends to always be by my side trying his best to guide and protect me. That would be my Curtis. Outside of dreaming I trust him more than anyone… past or present. Makes sense my mind would choose him to do the same in my dreams.

I wish I knew why I dream the way that I do. I wish I knew what all of it means. But I do not, and most likely I never will. So I raise my glass to all my dreams and say, “ If I must dream, let me wake up with a smile instead of tears.”