Remembering to "Feel"

2013 was a great year. I have no complaints. I have a husband who loves me more than anyone, children who love me more than anyone, a cat that loves me more than anyone... what more could I ask for?! I am indeed a lucky woman. And as Curtis and I lay in bed last night listening to the rumble of the fireworks he asked me what my new year resolution would be. And in all honesty I could not come up with anything at the time. So I responded, "I guess I will keep on working on becoming a better person, wife and mother."

As I have thought more about Curtis's question, something has actually come to mind. It has been something that I have been thinking about a lot this last week. It came to mind while cleaning very late one night. I had been and still was pretty sick from what I have determined was the flu, but things needed to be done so I was heading outside with trash at 11:45pm. As I stepped outside into the frigid air I looked up and saw the stars shining oh so very bright. And for the first time in several weeks I remembered to feel. I not only saw those stars, I felt those stars and it felt so good.

Over the past month things have been insanely stressful for me. And to add to the stress of daily life I was blind sighted by some very harsh words written by my X. With all this stress and added stress I started to shut down putting up emotional walls to some who did not deserve it and others who probably did. As my walls went up I started to feel less and less towards most people and things but continued with my daily life trying to be a good person despite the void that had been recently created within me. It was not till that Saturday after Christmas when I saw those stars that I realized I had not "felt" for a while.

Do you ever wonder who is looking at the stars at the exact moment you are?

 During a really rough time in my life I used to tell people that I would rather feel pain than feel nothing at all. Curtis thinks I am crazy but I hold to that statement. You can see, hear, touch, and taste all you want but if you don't feel what you are experiencing you are missing out on the true essence of your experience. When I listen to a guitar being stroked, I feel the music. When I taste that superb cuisine I feel the flavors. And when I see those beautiful stars I feel love. That's right, stars remind me that I am loved and love is the best feeling of all. Feeling those stars the other night reminded me that walls were not worth losing the ability to feel beyond you basic senses.

So this year my new year resolution is simple. I will try my best to remember to "feel" life as I experience it and to keep my walls down. Happy New Year my friend. Hope you remember to "feel" as well.